Wednesday, August 11, 2010

If you knew you were going to die...

...you would probably start living your life differently. You know it's true.

My best guess is almost everyone who faces a life threatening disease experiences a stunning moment of realization - "Holy crap, this might kill me!" And it is this fear, this acknowledgement of mortality, that brings a lot of us quickly to the conclusion that we have to start making better life choices now.

These days, I see this most obviously in my parenting. I don't feel like I have the latitude to make mistakes that I might have had before. If I die in the next few years, my children are going to remember the way I treated them now. So I remind myself to be more patient, and less quick to anger. I try to make a better effort to make the consequences match the infraction, to catch them being good more often, to find the teachable moments that are meaningful and relevant. And, when I screw up I apologize, quickly and sincerely.

You have probably seen those bucket lists where people advocate making life changes before they, um, kick it. Before I was diagnosed, I thought I paid attention to the messages they contained. But in reality, I forgot about them pretty quickly. Then cancer came, shoved me up against the wall and smacked me so hard upside the head that I am still spinning. And the penny dropped.

So, if I could have just a moment of your time, could I ask you to just believe me. If you were in my shoes, you would see the need for more thoughtful living. It would resonate in your soul in a way few other things do. And I would really rather that you not have to get cancer to learn this lesson.

So, starting now I begin my list of the new choices I am making in my life. I'm going to try to make this a daily posting. If you are so inspired, please share your own. Which reminds me what my first choice was going to be...

1. Talk less and listen more.

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